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HORROR VHS = VITAMIN C AND OXYGEN

Looking around online, it seems there are a lot of people talking about the horror vhs right now. I'm not compelled to do that exactly. Instead i'm going to introduce the horror movie genre in a slightly different way. A functionalist way so to speak.
The horror genre has been bashed by censorship fiends and Fidgety Picket types for decades and i'm hear to breathe a breath of fresh air right into the cosmos about whether its good or bad... Consider this your shot of Video Vitamin C,, Whatever.
Some of the best lessons are encapsulated in retro horror movies, I've compiled a top 5 list for you to consider at your leisure. Have fun Videoheads.

1/. ALIEN [RIDLEY SCOTT]

ALIEN VHS

Better think twice before picking a fight with what you don't understand.

The Alien Saga, shows us, through the eyes of Sigourney Weaver, exactly what can come of choosing to have a fight with something that can't be readily understood.
Of course we are not likely to find ourselves trapped in space on an out of date spaceship anytime soon. Still, the message rains true when it comes to life's daily challenges.
It's best to keep your head down and settle for a simple game of chequers (even chess) rather than go out all guns blazing when you don't know what your up against. The words keep it simple are as true as acidic blood.
Know your enemy, and don't bite off more than you can chew, you may end up like Ellen Ripley. Or worse.

2/. THE EVIL DEAD [SAM RAIMI]

Evil Dead VHS

If you're casting spells try not to forget the words halfway through saying them.

Its a bad idea to go all in, while ill prepared and equipped only with a sense of humour and a bad memory. Studies suggest that planning and preparation prevents a poor performance.
Never has this been so simply put and more demonstrably true than within the world of witchcraft. Unless you model yourself on Ash Williams from The Evil Dead Series, or fancy a psychotic-break-dance of mind come spiritual emergency. It's best to plan for the worst before you hope for the best.
The Evil Dead suggests whether Fact or Fiction, that unless you're already a seasoned time traveller, or a fully fledged immortal wizard, you may want to think twice before blowing the dust off that book of spells.

3/. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE [MEIR ZARCHI]

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE VHS

Don't give anybody a valid reason to be "spitting on your grave"

Sometimes it's easy to believe that because nobody is watching, It's possible to get away with anything. This is not always particularly true. Be it stealing a purse, looting a store, or having a rough sexual interlude with an unwilling stranger. The deed will more than likely be counted, and the crime will likely not go unpunished.
Boys will be boys sure, but they do still need their penises attached to be considered so. Being alive is also a plus point so the message of this film is simple. Don't misuse it, unless you're willing to lose it, fair enough? 
The sheer fact that the original "I spit on your grave" got banned is just plain, wrong, wrong, wrong. The film sends a haunting message to any would be none consensual group fumbler. Chilling and in no way encouraging, I spit on your grave sends a signal to the core. A film like this has to be good for society.

4/. SCREAM [WES CRAVEN]

Screm VHS

When it comes to the crunch there really is truly only one person you can trust.

Where there is a homicidal maniac on the loose, and you can only trust those close to you, think again. Scream, (the first instalment of the smash teen horror com), defiantly sums up just how wrong you can get about those nearest and dearest.
Best mates or not, you really can't let your guard down when there is a killer on the loose. No matter what, it's time to D up, and, if you can, cash in on that old favourite rule of power. "You profit more from your enemies than you do your friends."
Stay out the way, and only communicate with outsiders if you really have to. The characters should have all gotten out of dodge in Scream 1, they knew about the dangers of being in close proximity with demise. If they had of listened to their intuition, the death toll would have been negligible.

THE OMEN [RICHARD DONNER]

The Omen VHS

If you have a son, for gods sake don't name him Damien Thorn.

Letting your kids run around doing whatever the hell they like may not be such a good idea. In fact it may be far worse than that. Studies show that young children left to their own devices are far more likely to commit acts of juvenile delinquency in later childhood, right now though that is the least of our worries. It might mean impending doom is not far away. In the case of our classic blockbuster smash franchise the Omen, the misinformed truth almost always resulted in fatal/near fatal outcomes for older adults. Keep a tight reign on your kiddy winkles, for they can spread disaster like it's nobodies business.

Right now you have to admit to yourself, there is nothing wrong with staying in and watching a retro horror movie, or an entire quadrilogy for that matter. No harm can come to you and only benefits can be gained. I hope this article has been helpful and alleviated some of the pressures of the day.

Jay Victor signing off saying peace out.

Click the photographs to view the available VHS in store.

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